Didn't Mean To Love You (Serendipitous Love Book 2) Page 17

  With his elbow propped on the arm of the chair, he dropped his head into his hand. “Okay Viv. I’m gonna let you hold on to that dream.”

  “Oh, come on, Carter, stop bluffing. It cannot possibly be—”

  “Viv….” He reached forward to grab my hands, clutching them between his. “You know that picture of you, in the caramel?”

  “Mmhmm.” I tried to ignore the tingle rushing over my skin from the contact with his.

  “I had to threaten physical violence on my baby brother, and start locking the door to my bedroom after I went home early one day and caught him ja—”

  “No!” I yanked my hands away from his to cover my mouth. “No, no, no, no, no. No. Nooo, why would you tell me such a thing?!”

  “You didn’t believe me, I tried to warn you.”

  I gave him a playful smack him on the shoulder. “That was a terrible visual to give me about my employee. And won’t he be embarrassed about you telling such a story?”

  Carter let out a burst of laughter. “Rod? Embarrassed? Viv, no. He’s a teenager, it’s just what they do. If he knew I told you that story, it would make his little ass more bold, and he would probably ask you if you wanted to watch. I know this because on another occasion, my dumb ass forgot about knocking, and I caught him in his room with his little girlfriend doing exactly that.”

  “Bria?” I asked, lips parted.

  “That’s the girl who works the front for you here sometimes?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then, yeah. So… I wanted to bleach my fucking eyes, but I learned my lesson, and made sure to give him another lesson about condoms, and all of that.”

  “Wow.”

  He gave a half-shrug. “My sentiments exactly. But… I mean, as far as trouble… he hasn’t been any, other than getting on my nerves.”

  “I am pretty sure that is standard little brother protocol,” I said, laughing.

  “Indeed. But… After years of… basically nothing, I’m glad to have him around. Happy to be getting things back into a good place now… Thank you for helping with that.”

  My eyes went wide. “Me? I have done nothing.”

  “You’ve done plenty,” he said, lifting his hands for emphasis. “I mean… you gave him the job here, you encouraged me to give him a chance. Made me keep an open mind about it. So… thank you.” He nodded, then turned back to the computer to finish fixing my problem. Silence lay over us again, and it wasn’t uncomfortable, but I still felt the need to continue the conversation. This time seemed to be just as good as any other, so before I could second guess it, I folded my hands in my lap and spoke.

  “So… I also heard that you got on stage at Urban Grind.”

  Carter stiffened, and his hands stilled over the keys. “Um… yeah. I did.”

  “I was surprised,” I continued, when he didn’t say anything else. “I would not have expected that.”

  “Yeah, me either,” he said, finally turning to face me. “Rod… I don’t know if he told you, but he failed one of the sections on his GED. And I mean… I know he knows the material, he’s a smart kid, I think he just got too into his head about it, clammed up. So, I was trying to get him to just step out of his comfort zone, but he said some bullshit about me stepping out of mine first… so here we go.”

  I lifted an eyebrow, remembering how excited Rod had been just last week — the day before Carter’s performance, actually — to come back and tell me that he passed his test. I told Carter so, and he scrubbed a hand over his face, shaking his head as he reclined in the chair. “That little motherfucker… I’m gonna kick his ass. Why would he…?”

  “To get you out of your comfort zone, maybe? I mean… how did you feel afterward?”

  He shrugged. “I… I guess it was pretty cathartic.”

  “Good,” I said, giving him a wide smile. “I… wish I had been there.”

  “Yeah… me too.”

  Our eyes met, and I swallowed hard, wondering why the words to tell him that I’d seen, that I’d heard him wouldn’t come forth. Before I could say anything, he was up, pushing the chair into the desk. “Well, this is fixed,” he said, gesturing toward the computer. “It shouldn’t give you anymore trouble. I’ve actually gotta get to a teleconference with a potential client, so… I have to go.”

  I nodded, suddenly feeling awkward and nervous as he stood in front of me. “Yeah. Yeah, thank you so much. I didn’t mean to take up so much of your time with this.”

  “It’s nothing, Viv. You can call me for help with anything. Anytime.” The embrace he pulled me into caught me off guard. It was casual, but tight enough that I felt the warm security I remembered from before, from all the nights I’d spent wrapped in his arms. And then it was over, way too quickly for me to be satisfied, and he was striding out of my office into the kitchen.

  “Yo, Rod. Come ‘ere for a second, man. Let me talk to you.”

  “What’s up man? Did you get it fi— ouch. What the fuck, bruh?”

  “Oh… I’m sorry. Did I accidentally hit you?”

  I hated this time of year. Autumn I could handle, because who doesn’t like cute boots and scarves? But Winter… ugh. With the snow, and cold winds, and darkness coming earlier in the day. My apartment was already pitch black by the time I got home in the evenings, and today was no exception. I flipped on my lights, and my eyes fell immediately on…

  Damnit! This plant!

  I was really going to have to send this thing back to a good home with Simone, because for the life of me, I couldn’t manage to get this thing enough sun. I re-buttoned my coat, picked the plant up, and headed up to the roof, hoping those artificial sun lamps were still there.

  The roof was covered in a light layer of freshly-fallen snow, but the lamps were still out, to my delight. I flipped one on, and sat my plant down, then straightened up. Glancing across the roof, I saw him, perched on the edge of a bench in the covered outdoor seating area. He wasn’t facing me, but I recognized those locs and broad shoulders anywhere. Carter didn’t look up as I approached. He just kept staring out over the neighborhood, bathed in the harsh safety light of the roof. When I was beside him, he finally looked up, and I almost wished he hadn’t.

  Déjà vu.

  Only worse. His eyes were red and wet, defined underneath by dark circles. His shoulders were drooped, and it seemed like it sapped a great deal of energy to produce the grimace of a smile he gave when he realized it was me.

  I sat down beside him, cupping his face in my hands. “Carter…what’s going on?”

  “Rod.”

  Immediately, tightness gripped my chest. “What? Is he…”

  “He’s fine,” Carter said, shaking his head. “He was out with Bria this afternoon, slipped on some ice and hit his damned head on the curb. And… he’s gonna be fine, so I’m glad for that… but they didn’t think so at first. Bria called me crying, talking about his head was open, and blood, and … that fucked me up. But… he’s fine. He’s gonna be fine. I’m just… seeing him in that hospital bed, after everything with my dad…”

  “You are feeling a little distraught?”

  He looked up, meeting my eyes. “Yeah. I am. Our mom is there now, and only one person could stay, so… she sent me home. I’d been there for almost seven hours, and she knows about the whole… hospital thing. So… she said I should go home and try to get some sleep. But… I can’t. So, I’m up here, in the cold, like a lunatic.”

  “You are not a lunatic. You are just… human,” I said, smiling as I cupped his face again. He closed his eyes as he nuzzled his chin into my hands. “Did you forget you had a key?”

  He stilled, then looked up at me once more, narrowing his eyes in confusion. “What?”

  “I told you I was giving you that key to my apartment for when you couldn’t sleep. You never returned it. So… you could have used your key, Carter.”

  For a long moment, he didn’t say anything, but bit his lip as he pushed a handful of hair from my face, then left his fingers
buried there at my nape. “Are you telling me… that my key still works?”

  I smiled, blinking profusely in an attempt to fight back tears. “Always.”

  Well… this was unexpected.

  The very last place I thought I would end up after leaving the hospital was Viv’s bed. It certainly wasn’t planned, but here I was… I was just grateful to have her in my arms again. She looked so damned peaceful, still asleep, lips parted, her head tucked under my arm as her chest rose and fell. I knew I missed her, but I didn’t realize it would feel like this, like I couldn’t make my heart stop racing, couldn’t quite catch my breath. I barely even wanted to sleep myself, but exhaustion won.

  We had only talked a little, but that was okay for now. After she told me my key would always work — which, by the way… whew — we left the roof and went to her apartment. She sent me to the shower, and must have run out while I was in the bathroom, because when I went back into her kitchen, there was a styrofoam plate from the burger spot on the corner waiting for me.

  “Feel better?” Viv asked, her eyes drifting conspicuously over my chest, stomach, then down to the towel wrapped around my waist. She bit her lip, and my mouth went dry.

  “Yeah. I do. Thanks.” I sat down at the counter, trying to ignore the almost compulsive need to touch her. If I did, right now, while she was looking at me like that, I was going to turn this reunion into something else entirely.

  Viv finally dragged her eyes back up to my face, and smiled. “Good. I already ate, so I’m gonna go take a shower myself, then go to bed…. okay?” She didn’t look away until I nodded, confirming that I’d caught what she meant.

  Thirty minutes later, I was stretched on “my” side of her bed, close to drifting off as I wondered what was taking her so long. I was barely keeping my eyes open, hypnotized by the projection of stars onto the ceiling from the new nightlight plugged into the wall when she finally emerged from the bathroom.

  “When did you get this?” I asked, lazily pointing to sky, my voice thick with sleepiness.

  I heard one of her drawers slide open. “A few weeks ago. My cousin’s stepdaughter was selling them for school fundraising.”

  “Cool. What took you so long in the bathroom?” I sat up, resting my back against her headboard as she entered the bed from the other side, sitting up on her knees. With her hair pulled up in a high ponytail, fresh-faced, in just a tee shirt — regrettably, not one of mine — she was… gorgeous. Always, always gorgeous. The only light in the room came from the projection of those stars, creating tiny pinpricks of light over her skin.

  “Why so many questions?”

  “Why so few answers?”

  She grinned, then pushed herself to shimmy a little closer to me across the bed. “Well… since I was not being… intimate with anyone, I may or may not have taken a little hiatus from shaving my legs. It was time to resume.”

  “So what you’re saying is you were in there clogging up your bathtub drain.”

  Laughing, Viv scooted forward again until her knees were against my thigh. I didn’t want to assume anything, so while she was in the shower, I’d run back to my place for fresh boxers and a pair of sweats. Still, the heat from her body carried through, and this time, I didn’t resist the urge to reach out, sliding my hand from her ankle, over her calf, and up to rest behind her knee.

  Viv was holding her breath. From the moment I touched her, air hitched in her threat, and she didn’t release it until I dragged my hand further up, to her thigh, stopping just before I hit gold. Without a word, she swung her leg over my lap so that she was straddling me. She draped her hands over my shoulders, then lowered her forehead to mine as her soft hands slipped inside my boxers to pull me free. For what seemed like a long time, we stayed like that, just staring, and Viv’s eyes… they were saying a lot.

  She was anxious, and excited, and turned on, and uncertain, and scared, and… hopeful. I brought my hands up to cup her face, and she seemed to melt into my touch, her shoulders sagging in relief. But then, a tear ran from the corner of her eye, sliding down her face. “Viv… what is it?”

  “You hurt me.” Those words burst out like they’d been struggling to break free for a long time. “So bad, Carter. I thought you were going to be different… you were different, until… until you were exactly the same as the others. I have spent so much time trying not to lo—” she stopped herself with a dry laugh before shaking her head to continue, “Trying not to care so much for you. But it seems that I cannot. So… I need to know, Carter. I do not want to be foolish. I do not want to keep making this same mistake. I can’t keep giving myself to you, if you can’t… I need to know that I am not in this alone.”

  I lifted her chin to face me. “You’re not. You’re not.”

  She turned away, focusing on one of the illuminated shapes on the wall. “But you said you did not —”

  Shit.

  “I know,” I said, turning her to me again. “I know. I fucked up, I’ll own that. I said it.” Again, she tried to break away, but I cupped her face, keeping her focused on me so I could meet her gaze. “I told you I didn’t ask you for your heart, but I never said that I didn’t want it. I need it. And I need you. Okay?”

  Please say okay.

  I hoped it was enough. Hoped she understood that even those words were hard for me to say. I felt… wide open, exposed… fucking vulnerable beyond belief, somehow even more than I had that night when I put my entire ego on the line. Why was it that with her, the person that made me feel so damned alive… when it came to telling her how I felt, all of that energy turned into cold, paralyzing fear that “dude… you’re not good enough for this beautiful girl if your own—”

  “Okay.”

  A shot of adrenaline, right into the chest.

  That’s how that one little word felt to me, and I was suddenly very awake as Viv kissed me. Or maybe attacked was a better word, but I was a willing victim as teeth clacked, lips bruised, tongues clashed in a reunion that had taken two months too long to happen. I was a happy man, thanking my lucky stars for this moment when she accidentally nipped my bottom lip too hard. I flinched a little, pulling away for a second to see if blood would follow, but I really wasn’t tripping.

  Viv, on the other hand, freaked out. She apologized profusely as she reached over to turn on the lamp so she could see. She had not drawn blood, but it wasn’t until I gently grabbed her face again, forcing her to look at me as I carefully stated “It’s okay” that she relaxed, and reached for the lamp again.

  “Uh-uh,” I said. “Leave it on. I haven’t seen you. I wanna see you.”

  Her eyes glossy, and still slightly red from her earlier tears, she reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. Just like always, my hands went immediately to her breasts, running my thumbs over her chosen jewelry for the night— simple, pretty hoops in rose gold.

  “I am starting to think you are obsessed,” Viv said, smiling as I lowered my mouth to kiss her nipples.

  “Maybe a little.”

  She moaned her appreciation when I pulled one into my mouth, suckling until she was writhing in my lap. I’d already peeped out that she was panty-less under her tee shirt, but when my hand drifted there, she pushed me away. She raised up on her knees, grabbed me, and was about to maneuver herself down when I caught her by the thighs.

  “Are you crazy? After two months, you think I’m not about to take my time with you?”

  Viv smirked, then started stroking me with her hands as she gave me a long, deep kiss, the dual sensations damn near making my toes curl — in the manliest way possible. “Carter… I think I need to feel you like this now… the other stuff can wait until later.”

  Who was I to argue with that? I released her thighs, and she sank down onto me with a satisfied sigh. Just like that, I was invited back into heaven.

  We made love until we were too exhausted to move, then passed out, and I woke up the next morning with her clutched in my arms. I fumbled blindly, eyes
still shut, averse to giving up on sleep, for my phone on the table next to her bed. Its’ buzzing was what woke me up, and when my hand landed on it, I grudgingly opened my eyes to look at the screen. The sight of a missed call from my mom, and a text from Rod asking where I was brought me fully awake. I extricated myself from Viv’s embrace and took another shower, then went back to kiss her forehead.

  “Hey… I’ve gotta go see about Rod, okay?” I said, when she finally opened her eyes.

  She narrowed them, giving me a few confused blinks before her circuits started firing. “Oh. Oh! Do you want me to come with you?” She brought her hand to my face, concern filling her eyes.

  “No, I’ve got it. Go back to sleep, it’s like five in the morning,” I said, reluctantly pulling the discarded sheets up to cover her beautifully nude body. I kissed her hand, then stood, groaning when she sat up, causing the sheet to drop away again.

  It was insane how oblivious she was to her overt sex appeal, and I knew this wasn’t an “act” for Viv, something she did just to try and seduce me. She had that effect whether she was trying or not. This was just… her, and had always been, from the moment I first spoke to her.

  “Carter?”

  “Yeah?” I asked, clearing my throat.

  Following my gaze to her breasts, she blushed, then pulled the covers over herself. “I was saying that I want you to be careful out there in the snow. I do not want to get the same kind of call you got about Rod.”

  “Okay mama hen,” I teased, giving her a peck on the lips that quickly turned into me pressing her onto the bed to ease my tongue into her mouth.

  She indulged me for a few minutes, then pushed me away. “You have to go.”

  “I know.”

  “And when you return… we have to talk.”

  I nodded. “I know.”

  She lifted her hand to my face. “And… you will return?”

  “Of course.”

  — & —

  “Goddamn, Rod! Have they let you see your face?”