Finding Forever Page 17

I smiled through my tears as my fingers closed over the jumble of metal. “So do I.”

  — 9—

  — Tori —

  “Ouch! What the— Mel, could you stop!”

  The first thing I felt when I woke up was the solid whack of a pillow against my head. I sprung up, ready to attack until I saw Mel standing over me, and before I could respond, she hit me again.

  “No, actually, I can’t stop. I’m sick of this! Operation “Bitch, Cheer Your Ass Up” is now officially in effect. Get up, take a shower, and get dressed. If you’re not ready in thirty minutes, I’m hitting you again,” she threatened, pointing toward the pillow still clutched in her hand.

  I sucked my teeth as I flopped back onto the bed, once again burying myself in the sheets. “Girl, you’re not my mama. I don’t have to do what you say.”

  “Try me,” she said, her dimples flashing as she put her knees on the bed, leaning over me so she was right in my face. “The least you can do after you closed your business, leaving me jobless and broke, is act like you’re happy to be alive.”

  I rolled my eyes at Mel. The day after the incident with Avery at Ignition, I made the decision to sell. That had only been a month ago, and her severance package had been extremely generous. As in, ‘She probably wouldn’t have to work for the next year’ generous. The girl was far from broke.

  “I am happy to be alive, sis. Look at this smile.” I put on my cheesiest grin and crossed my eyes, laughing at the look of disgust that crossed her face.

  “Your breath stinks, go brush,” she demanded, fanning the air as she stepped back.

  Groaning, I tossed the covers back and reluctantly climbed out of the bed. “Well if you weren’t in my room bugging me you wouldn’t have to smell my morning breath, would you?”

  “Uhh, somebody had to drag you out of your — quite literal— funk. And by the by, it’s 6 o’clock in the evening, not morning.”

  I stopped mid-stretch to turn to her with a scowl. “Are you serious?”

  Instead of answering, Mel pointed to the alarm clock on my bedside table, whose number very clearly displayed that it was after six PM. Where in the world had my day gone? I buried my hand in my hair, massaging my scalp as I let out a defeated sigh. Yet another day wasted lounging in the bed and sleeping. Now that I was unemployed — or retired, as I liked to refer to it— I had completely given in to the desire to wallow in my feelings.

  She followed me into the bathroom, standing at the door while I sat down to pee.

  “… Mel, can I have some privacy?”

  “No.”

  “You’re gonna stand there and watch me use the bathroom?”

  “I’m not watching you, I’m standing here.” She clapped her hands together in quick succession. “Chop-chop. I told you thirty minutes, and I mean it. Relieve your little bladder, wash your hands, brush your teeth, get your ass in the shower, do something with that hair, and put on some damn clothes. Would you like me to write out a list for you?”

  I rolled my eyes, again. I was so used to Mel’s snark it didn’t bother me anymore. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror as I stood at the sink to wash my hands, and I was shocked by what I saw. Dull skin, dark circles under my eyes, and my naturally kinky, curly hair was a tangled mess from my disregard for my daily regimen. Desperately, I wished I could say I didn’t recognize the Tori looking back at me, but that certainly wasn’t the case. We’d had another run-in recently, in the immediate aftermath of filing for divorce. The arguments, the lawyers, and the eventual divorce settlement had taken a similar emotional toll, and I’d withdrawn then as well. It wasn’t just with Rafael either. There had been a time before that, and a time before that one, and so on.

  These bouts of melancholy were a habit for me at this point. A predictable pattern of languishing in my own misery for weeks at a time, to accomplish… what? The only things I’d gained were a few pounds from over-indulging on wine and ice cream, and clogged pores from not exfoliating properly. I could rationalize the hell out of a bad decision, but this? Wallowing in pity was something that I couldn’t justify, not anymore. When I signed the documents finalizing my divorce, I told myself I would focus on being happily single. Sure, I was single, but where the hell was the happy? I was still in the same damn place I was in before — the doldrums.

  Looking in the mirror again, I met Mel’s eyes with my own. “I’m gonna need longer than thirty minutes.”

  I put her in charge of finding something for me to wear, and got to work. I conditioned and detangled my hair, exfoliated and moisturized my face, and took the longest, hottest shower of my life before pampering my skin with body butter, and pulling on the clothes Mel had left. After a bit of makeup to help the dark circles under my eyes, I thought I looked good, and in turn, I felt good.

  I opened the door to find Mel sitting on the edge of my bed, occupied with her smartphone. She gave me a sideways glance, looked back at her screen, then furrowed her brow as she turned to me again. Mel’s eyes widened as she stood up, and as she approached me, her eyes were welling with tears.

  “Tee…,” she sniffled as she pulled me into a tight hug, nearly causing both of us to topple over on our heels. “Welcome back, sis.”

  “What are you talking about, Mel?”

  She let me go, and sat down again on the edge of the bed. “I was starting to worry about you, Tori. I know sometimes you have your little pity party spells, but this time was almost a month. You sold your business, you only talk to your friends enough to keep them from worrying, and you were getting fat—”

  “I was not getting fat.”

  Mel lifted an eyebrow. “Girl, you’re wearing your ‘fat’ jeans right now, don’t front. I didn’t want to get you upset about not fitting in your other ones, so I gave you those. But back to my point, you were in bad shape, and I was fully prepared to literally drag you out of this house. I’m glad to see I don’t have to do that,” she said, smiling at me as I sat down on the bed beside her. She fluffed my hair, then adjusted the collar of my shirt. “This is the Tori I like to see. Do you know I much I looked up to you, growing up? How much I still do? You know me, I wear my emotions like a hot pink fur, everybody is going to see that shit. But you.. You’re usually so peaceful, and put together that seeing you when you’re not… it’s kinda scary, Tee.”

  “I’m sorry I scared you, sis. But, you’ve gotta know that a lot — hell, most— of the time, when you see me outwardly calm, while everything is going to shit… that’s a front. I’m just good at it… usually,” I added with a smile. “But I don’t recommend that. I mean, look at me. I spend all of my time managing relationships for other people. I get invested as if I’m in the relationship too, so much I end up with sensory overload. I don’t know why I couldn’t see it before, but it’s like having a constant flood of emotions — and I don’t mean yours alone, but sometimes six, eight, ten other people— poured through a sieve. Filling you up, but draining you at the same time and it’s freaking exhausting. But I bore it with a smile, because I didn’t need anybody fussing over me, and I loved it… or, I thought I did.” I shrugged. “I think with the experiences I’ve had, it’s not healthy for me anymore.”

  Mel tilted her head to the side, resting her chin against the back of her hand. “Are you saying you don’t think matchmaking is healthy for you, or… you don’t think love is healthy for you anymore?

  I sighed as I bit the inside of my bottom lip. “I don’t know… maybe both. And I don’t want to hear a lecture of any type about ‘not giving up on love’, or anything like that, okay?”

  “I wasn’t going to,” Mel said, a little too quickly. “But… hear me out for a second, right?” I rolled my eyes as she continued. “So, you’ve been doing this matchmaking thing since you were 23, started right after college. That’s seven years devoted to — as you said— dealing with and managing other people’s emotions, other people’s relationships. Add that to the stress of starting, building, and maintaining your business, the
n put all of that on top of the standard bullshit everybody has in relationships, and … girl, you were dealt a losing hand. Over, and over, and over.”

  That actually made sense. Maybe I kept getting stuck in the same inharmonious rhythm because I wasn’t paying attention to what was in front of me. The life I had didn’t line up with the one I wanted, so maybe I need to shuffle my proverbial cards a little before I was dealt my next hand. Perhaps, it was as simple as doing something different.

  “Okay, enough talking. It’s time to have some fun, and no, I’m not telling you where we’re going. You down?” Mel stood, straightening her clothes as she waited for me to respond. I had no idea what Mel had up her sleeve, but anything that helped pull me out of the fog, I was willing.

  “Let’s go.”

  — & —

  “Speed-dating, Mel? Really?”

  In spite of my scowl, Mel maintained a smug grin as she pulled me further into the elegantly decorated venue. I was honestly surprised by the number of people in attendance, as well as the many shades of brown that made up the crowd.

  “Yes, really. What’s the problem?”

  “We’re matchmakers,” I hissed into her ear, flashing a smile at a tall & handsome looking in our direction as he walked by. “We know the complete randomness of speed dating is not an efficient way to—”

  “Shut up!” Mel rolled her eyes, turning up her lip in disgust. “Tori, we’re not matchmakers anymore, remember? Besides, we’re here because I thought it would be fun, not to actually for real meet anybody. Chill. Breathe, Tori, breathe.”

  I bit down on my bottom lip, forcing myself not to respond. She was right. I wasn’t a matchmaker anymore. Taking a deep breath, I surveyed the room again, accepting a glass of wine from a passing waiter. “Okay. I’m cool. But Mel… I’m not interested into doing this date thing, not right now. I’m not ready.”

  “Then don’t. Have fun with it, be silly, lie. Just… loosen up some, Tee. It’s about to start.”

  I hurriedly drained my glass of wine and took another deep breath as the host stepped into the middle of the floor and began going over the directions. A few minutes later, I was seated in a booth, waiting on my first date to sit down. While I was waiting, I decided to do as Mel suggested, and have fun with it. Speed dating lived up to its name, and before I knew it, I was on my eighth three-minute ‘date’, third glass of wine, and I was having a blast.

  This one, Eric, had the face of a teenager and the body of a linebacker. I could tell he was young, probably fresh out of college.

  He took a swig from his beer, and then with his eyes placed firmly on my cleavage, asked, “So what’s your name, beautiful?”

  “Jai,” I said, smiling through my tipsy haze.

  He pointed to my chest. “But your name tag says Tori.”

  “Never mind that. I like to be called Jai when I’m feeling a little…,” I bit my bottom lip, “nasty.”

  “Oh, well Jai it is then, I like that. It’s sexy.”

  “Mmhmm.”

  Eric sat back, giving me what I was sure was intended as a seductive grin, but came across as a leer. “So… Sexy Jai, what do you do?”

  “Career wise? Oh, I’m a pet gynecologist.” It was a struggle to keep a straight face as I watched him choke on his drink.

  “Pet… gynecologist?”

  I smiled. “Mmhmm. And it’s so wonderful. Like, you can’t possibly understand the fulfillment that comes from helping some precious child’s hamster get over a nasty case of Chlamydia.”

  He frowned. “Hamsters can get STDs?”

  “Oh boy, can they. Those little things hump like their little furry cousins, the rabbits. That’s why I encourage the little known safe sex practices in animal kingdom.” He leaned forward, his eyes bright with interest, and I had to cover my mouth to avoid laughing, and pretended I was getting choked up to cover. “But the saddest thing I’ve ever seen was this poor pet canary that had gotten pregnant by the family parrot. Poor thing had to deliver via c-section.”

  “You’re kidding, right? I thought birds… laid eggs….”

  “Not canaries,” I said, wagging my finger in the air. “It was quite an ordeal. I had a whole special on Animal Planet about it, you should look it up. You know, I’m going to need a man that can handle a woman with a demanding career like mine. I need to know that when I come home from a long day of dealing with dogs with yeast infections my man is gonna pull me in his arms — foul odor be damned — and let me know I am loved. Is that something you can do, Eric?”

  When that bell rang to change partners, he couldn’t get up fast enough. I went through four more dates before the guy I smiled at earlier — tall & handsome— sat down at my table. He was a bit older than most of the guys there, with salt and pepper hair. I pegged him at maybe forty, and he was dressed in a gorgeous grey blazer that shone against his deep brown skin. He was so fine I hated to mess with him, but it was all in the name of fun.

  “You said your name was Gabrielle…?”

  I smirked a little then nodded. “Yes, David. Ignore the nametag, I put down a fake one in case I ran into any creepy, lying guys. But I like you… so you get the real me.” I winked at him, and gave him what Des and I had dubbed a “come screw me” smile. He seemed… distressed.

  David cleared his throat, adjusting the lapels of his blazer. “I’ll cut straight to the chase. I’m well known, and well respected, so I need a woman who understands having a very high level of discretion. I can’t have someone out here embarrassing me, you know what I mean?”

  Lifting an eyebrow, I said. “Oh, I’ve got it.”

  “Great. So what do you do for a living, sweetheart?”

  “I’m a professional twerker.”

  At first, he smiled, but then it faltered a little when he realized what I’d said.

  “Professional… twerker?”

  “Mmhmm. I’m sure you’ve seen me around. I’m super popular on Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, you name it! This ass is well known and well respected, you know what I mean? Ooh! That’s something we have in common!”

  I laughed at his stunned silence, and his quick escape when the bell rang. I was still trying to decide what my next ridiculous occupation would be when my date sat down, extending his hand across the table.

  “I’m— “

  “Absolutely not named Thor,” I said, smiling as I read the name on his tag. “But I do see the resemblance, Nick. What are you doing here?”

  Nick laughed, brushing his thick blond hair away from his face. “You’re blowing my cover, Tori. And I should be asking you the same thing!”

  “I’m here with my sister, she thought it would be fun. An obviously, you did too, Thor.”

  He shrugged. “Nah, I’m legit… except for the name. You went out of business before I could come to you to meet my future ex-wife like Avery did.”

  Jeez, did my heart have to lurch like that at the mention of his name? Just in the last week of my self-imposed exile, I’d finally stopped obsessing over him, and now here was Nick, mentioning things like ‘Avery’ and ‘wife’ in the same sentence.

  Just keep it fun, Tori. Don’t even go there.

  “Sorry, Nick. It was time to move on to something new, so….”

  “So you came out to speed date.” He frowned at me, but his eyes were still sparkling with laughter.

  “Ha-ha. You’d better be glad you know me, I’ve been terrorizing men with lies all night.”

  Nick chuckled, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the table. “And how exactly is that different from what most women do anyway?”

  I nearly choked on my drink from laughing, clapping myself on the chest to clear my air passage. “Oh my God, that’s awful!”

  “Just sayin’.” He winked at me as the bell rang to switch, and as he began moving to the next table, he leaned down to tell me, “I won’t tell Avery I saw you here. Might hurt his feelings.”

  Nick was gone before I could respond, and my next date was sittin
g down. I really didn’t have the time, or emotional energy yet to focus on anything that might be left unresolved with Avery.

  Focus on the fun, Tori, focus on the fun!

  I played my way through several more dates, and unsurprisingly, when the event ended, I didn’t receive any of the little ‘want to know you more’ cards that were being handed out. As I looked around for Melanie, I thought of several ways this whole thing could have been better organized, and more efficient, in terms of which people were rotated through a certain potential pool of partners. We should have been pre-screened— to keep out people like me, who weren’t serious— , and placed into smaller groups, based on relationship potential. Moreover, the dates needed to be much longer than three minutes. I did like the idea of only offering contact info to the people who were mutually interested, but everyone was still virtual strangers, so it probably would have been better to incorporate some type of social media platform, where they could get to know each better. The room for improvement was huge.

  “Sooo, did you have a good time?” Mel grabbed my hand as she approached, grinning, with a hand full of a contact cards.

  “I absolutely did,” I told her with a smile. “And it looks like you did too.”

  She shrugged, stuffing the cards in her purse. “There’s honestly only one I’m interested in. The rest are duds. Where are your cards?”

  “What cards? Girl, every man in here thinks I’m crazy, I didn’t get any.” I giggled as I spotted Nick making his way in our direction, but his eyes were glued to Mel. My eyes widened in surprise as he pulled her to the side, whispering something in her ear that made her blush. He made Mel blush. I looked away, becoming very interested in a flower arrangement close by so I wouldn’t be creeping on their private moment.

  “See you later Tori.” When I turned back, Nick was waving goodbye, and Melanie was standing there with a silly grin on her face.

  “I’m guessing that was your ‘one’ you were interested in?” I teased, gently poking her in the side. “You know his name’s not Thor, right?”

  Batting my hand away from her ribs, she grabbed it to begin leading me toward the exit. “Of course I know that,” she told me as we stepped outside. “He told me as soon as he sat down. Isn’t he sexy though?”