Bittersweet: An Equilibrium Novella Read online

  It took everything in me not to react.

  His ridiculousness was funny to Roman, but I sat there stone-faced as Royal made his way out of the office, closing the door behind him. As soon as we were alone, Roman gave me the “dad” look again.

  “Aiight. What’s up with you? I can’t have the best manager in the world pissed at me,” he said, trying to cajole a smile that wasn’t coming.

  “If that’s how you really felt, you wouldn’t be demoting me to “co-manager” with someone who has no experience,” I said plainly, not bothering to hold it back. He’d always maintained that he wanted an environment where his employees could speak freely with him.

  Well, here it was.

  “It’s not a demotion, Anika,” he assured me, propping his elbows on the desk as he leaned forward. “Maybe calling him co-manager is generous, but I need him to have real experience before he moves to a store of his own. I can’t have him flying blind with my brand.”

  “I completely understand that. I just don’t understand why he has to be here. Send him to one of the franchises or something.”

  Roman laughed. “What do you have against my little cousin, man? He swears you don’t like him – and swears he hasn’t done anything.”

  I don’t like his ass.

  I shrugged. “My personal feelings are irrelevant. On a professional level, I think he plays too much.”

  “Are you sure it’s not just that you’re a little more… structured?” Roman asked, stopping short of the adjective he really wanted to use – uptight.

  And maybe that was true.

  That whole wrath of Anika thing hadn’t come from nowhere.

  Maybe I was a little too serious when it came to the coffeehouse, but it was literally my job. And I’d proven my uptight self valuable.

  “He put a selfie on the Instagram page – completely throwing off the layout I had going so that the feed looked good when people went to our profile. I know it seems like not that big a deal. It’s fun. The followers like it, but… it’s something I’ve worked hard on. Him doing that, without even saying anything to me about it… it’s like a slap in the face.”

  Roman sighed – not like he was annoyed, it was sympathetic. “I get that. And if it’s important to you, we can take it down,” he offered, then raised a finger. “But… there has to be room for him to have input as well. If we’re training him, we’re training him, and he needs to learn to be a team player instead of just acting. And… I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but you could probably benefit from it too.”

  My mouth fell open. “Roman, I’m a great manager. I’ve studied this! I’ve mastered the balance between friend and authority figure with the baristas, the suppliers love me, I get along great with the customers…”

  “All of that is true, absolutely,” Roman agreed. “But none of that changes the fact that not being in complete control is… a challenge for you. One you’re going to have to overcome, soon, because I wasn’t kidding about us having room for a new manager, as we’re growing. It’s too much work for just you.”

  “Have I dropped the ball somewhere?” I asked, eyes wide, and Roman was quick to raise his hands in a calming gesture.

  “Not at all. But, in order not to, you’re here for twelve, fourteen – or more – hours a day sometimes. Every day. You’re barely thirty, Nik. I can’t have you making this place your life.”

  “But I want to be here.”

  “I’m sure you do,” Roman nodded. “But as somebody who did that to build this, I can’t support it. I don’t want you putting in more than ten hours a day. And even that’s a stretch, but I know you’re not going to listen. So that’s my compromise.”

  I sat up a little straighter. “What, you mean like… effective immediately?”

  “I do.”

  “Wait, so who is going to take over those extra hours, though? Mila already does as many hours as she can,” I said, referring to the other manager.

  Across from me, Roman grinned. “I guess you’d better get Royal ready to work then, huh?”

  I huffed. “I’d much rather just put in the work myself.”

  “We’ve already talked about that, though,” he laughed. “Seriously – what is your issue with Royal? He’s a good kid.”

  “I wouldn’t know anything about that,” I countered. “All I know is that he gets on my nerves. Badly.”

  Roman stared at me without speaking for a moment, searching my face for… something. “You sure it’s not… a little crush or something?” he asked, and I curled my nose.

  “Ew. No. I’m off fuckboys. Off boys period,” I added. Seeing the expression on Roman’s face made me amend that to, “Off anybody, I mean. I’m on a break. I’ve been on a break.”

  He shrugged. “Not my business, Nik.”

  “I know, but… just for the record,” I explained. “I don’t want anybody thinking I want Royal Taylor.”

  “Understood,” Roman said, but the half-smirk on his face said otherwise. I didn’t have time to worry about that, though – it was approaching the time for my curated, scheduled post on Instagram, which I needed to stop before it went live, thanks to Royal’s impromptu post.

  That I, of course, couldn’t delete because of the numbers it had done.

  It wouldn’t be good marketing.

  I excused myself from Roman’s office to get back to work. Heading up front, I let my mind wander about what I could do on the UG social media to build Royal’s goddamn selfie into the fabric of the feed.

  Ugh.

  He’d only been “co-manager” for two minutes, and I already had to accommodate his bullshit. Like he’d sensed me coming, as soon as I rounded the corner to the primary service area Royal was in my face.

  “There’s my co-manager,” he said, rubbing his hands together, giving me that damn dimpled smile that irked me so. “What are we learning first?”

  How not to get on my nerves…

  “Social media management,” I told him. “So you don’t mess up anything else.”

  Two

  Anika

  “Ewww, guys, come on!”

  I covered my eyes and reversed course out of my parents’ kitchen, trying to prevent myself from seeing any more of what I’d walked in on.

  It wasn’t like I was a surprise guest – they’d requested my presence at dinner, only for me to walk in and find my father with both hands up my mother’s sweater and their mouths very occupied. I didn’t even want to think about where her hands had been since she felt the need to wash them now, before she went back to the pots on the stove.

  “Don’t be coming in my house talkin’ bout eww,” my father scolded playfully, mocking my tone as he wrapped his arms around my neck to pull me into a hug. “If you were me and your wife looked like that, you’d be all over her too.”

  My mother looked up to offer him a playful wink, and… I had to admit, my parents were adorable. Quite literal couple goals, and they’d been that way for as long as I could remember, setting a standard that honestly felt impossible these days.

  Impossible for me, at least.

  Seeing them together had been the catalyst for the “break” I’d mentioned to Roman. I was legitimately exhausted from trying to contort myself every which way to be the perfect girl, only to end up back in the same place – heartbroken and confused or ghosted. Then, before it was a “thing,” I’d tried to Hot Girl Summer my way into something everlasting, and, well… that was a friggin’ disaster too. I didn’t even have fond memories to look back on, just a tall pile of insecurities and regrets and anxieties that culminated in me chopping all my damn hair off.

  It was hard at first, not slinking back into old habits. But then my cousin Jules moved back to the Heights – moved in with me – offering enough distraction and words of affirmation that I didn’t waver.

  Then Jules fell in love.

  And honestly, that didn’t make me want to go back – it made my resolve even stronger. Seeing the way her boyfrien
d loved her, so openly, so warmly… it really brought the full wackness of the “love” I’d been chasing into sharp focus.

  Now?

  If it didn’t look like Jules and Troy or Darcy and Will – my parents – I didn’t want it.

  And none of these new guys were offering that, so… screw it.

  The coffee house would get all my love.

  “Your mama told you about our trip yet?” My father asked as I joined him with helping set the table.

  I looked up from my careful napkin placement to shake my head. “What trip?”

  He chuckled. “I guess that’s a “no” then. We’re leaving this snow and ice and all that behind for sunny Hawaii – the week of Christmas all the way through New Year’s!”

  Even though his words made my heart drop somewhere around my feet, I forced a smile to my face. “Oh, wow!” I gushed, gripping the last of the napkins tight. “That’s amazing!”

  “What’s amazing?” My mother inquired, as she breezed into the dining room with a hot platter of food to place in the center of the table.

  I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. “Daddy was just telling me about your Christmas trip.”

  “Will!” she stepped back from the table, shooting him a glare. “I was waiting to tell her.”

  My father shrugged as he took a seat, already reaching for a serving spoon until Mama smacked his hand. “Ouch! What are we waiting on? Sit your asses down so I can eat!”

  “Anika…” my mother grabbed my free hand as I rapidly blinked back tears. “I know we typically spend Christmas as a family, but your father and I—”

  “Deserve to spend it in paradise this time,” I interrupted her, shaking my head. “I’m not a kid anymore anyway – it’s probably a good time for me to start making other plans.”

  I was putting on a brave face about it, sure, but I didn’t want to make other plans.

  I wanted to wear matching pajamas and drink spiked hot cocoa and fall asleep watching Christmas movies and grill ribs surrounded by snow like we’d done every other Christmas since I could remember.

  Well.

  The spiked hot cocoa didn’t happen until I was an adult, but still.

  I… had really been looking forward to it.

  “Are you sure you’ll be okay?” My mother asked as if she saw straight through my cavalier act – and she really probably was.

  But I lied anyway, nodding my head like I was sure.

  “Of course, mama, I’ll be fine.”

  “She can come too!” my father announced, around a mouth full of food. “I’ll pay for your flights and your hotel room. You gotta get a room on a different floor, though, unless you want to hear a whole different side of your mama.”

  “Daddy, eww!” I laughed, slipping my hand away from my mother so I could take a seat too. “And thanks for the offer, but no thanks – I don’t need to shoulder in on y’alls trip. I’m a big girl. I’m sure I can find something else to do.”

  My mother sat down at her place, frowning at me over the food. “There won't be a trip if you don’t stop lying to me, girl.”

  “What?!” my father and I exclaimed at the same time.

  “I plan to spend Christmas Eve buried in the sand with my wife – you better fix this lil girl!” he bellowed, eyebrows furrowed in my direction.

  “What did I do?!” I asked, stopping with my fork halfway to my mouth. “I said I would be fine!”

  Mama huffed. “Which is a lie.”

  “It’s not,” I insisted, shaking my head. “Okay, I’ll admit – I’m disappointed about breaking the tradition, yes. But I’ll get over it. You two go on your trip, and I will occupy myself.”

  “That would be a lot easier with a—”

  “Don’t.” I interrupted my mother again before she could go too far down a too-familiar path.

  “Don’t what?” Her eyes went all big and innocent, and my father’s attention was suddenly laser-focused on his plate.

  “Tell me to get a boyfriend,” I answered dryly. “I told you I was going to stop coming to dinner if you kept doing that.”

  She sucked her teeth. “Well, excuse me, lil girl, for wanting you to have some companionship and make me some babies. You’re acting like it’s a crime for me to not want you to be alone!”

  “I’m very aware of my relationship status,” I responded, trying not to get “disrespectful” in tone. “But you were the one drilling into me to not accept less than I was worth, etcetera, etcetera, well… this is what that looks like. Which is more important – getting your precious grandbabies, or a happy daughter?”

  “Oop,” my father chimed in, earning stern glares from me and Mama.

  “Don’t play with me Anika,” Mama scolded. “You know which is more important.”

  I nodded. “Then… don’t do that. It doesn’t feel good.”

  “You’re right, baby.” she reached across the table for my hand, giving it a squeeze. “I’m sorry. Ultimately… I just want you to be happy.”

  I returned her squeeze, and the conversation moved on to other things, but… damn.

  Talk about a one-two punch.

  “Couuussiiinnn,” Jules sang as she breezed through the front door of Urban Grind. It was a slow part of the day, so her greeting only raised a few eyebrows as she sauntered toward me, wearing a big smile on her face.

  “Hey boo,” I returned her greeting, along with a quick hug before I went back to my task of hanging ornaments in the window. “You seem especially sunny today. Something good happen?”

  That big ass grin didn’t waver as she removed her coat, tossing it onto a nearby chair before joining me at the window. “You know Troy’s brother, Malcolm? He and his wife are having a baaabbyy.”

  “Awww! That’s so sweet!”

  “Isn’t it?!” Jules gushed. “They want us to come up and spend Christmas with them, so you’ll have Aunt Darcy and Uncle Will all to yourself this time.”

  Before I could stop myself, I’d let out the most pitiful of sighs, making Jules’ eyes go wide.

  “Wait – what’s wrong?” she asked, hooking an arm through mine. “Did something happen at dinner last night?”

  Because my parents lived a little way out, I usually talked to Jules on the drive home – either on the phone or in person, if she’d come with me. Last night though, I was feeling so out of sorts after the revelation of the trip, and then the conversation shift, that I’d opted to turn up my music and just zone out.

  So… Jules didn’t know.

  “Not really,” I answered, when she tugged on my arm after I hadn’t immediately responded. “It’s just… my folks are spending Christmas in Hawaii this year, so I figured me and you would do something together.”

  The immediate sympathy in Jules’ expression made me feel… like shit, honestly.

  “I had no idea,” she said, hooking my arm tighter. “But, you know you’re welcome to spend the day in Blackwood with us, right?”

  I sucked my teeth. “Girl, what?! Hell no!”

  “Nik, you’re family too!”

  “No,” I shook my head. “I’m really not. But you and Troy are damn near inseparable, so you are.”

  “Malcolm and his wife won’t care about that. The more the merrier!”

  I laughed. “Jules… I so appreciate you for trying, but… no. This is time for you and Troy to connect with his family, and I refuse to latch onto that. Christmas Eve will be hella busy here at the shop anyway, so I’ll probably be crazy tired. I can catch up on some rest, eat whatever I want, and catch up on my binge-watching. Hell… that actually sounds like a pretty perfect day.”

  “Nik…” Jules hit me a steady frown. “You’re not about to play in my face about this. You love being with your family on Christmas. You expect me to believe this isn’t a big deal?”

  I groaned. “I want you to believe it’s not a big deal because I want to believe it’s not a big deal. Because I want it to not be a big deal. You never heard of faking it until you make it?”


  “I know that shit doesn’t work,” she countered, shaking her head.

  “Jules… please.” I unhooked our arms so I could get back to hanging the hand painted ornaments Riley had dropped off for me that morning. “You know what I want, more than anything?”

  “What’s that?”

  “For everybody to go about their Christmas plans without feeling sorry for me. And for Royal Taylor to fall in a muddy ditch,” I added on, as the man himself sauntered through the front door. “Like, I’m not wishing injury on him, you know – just inconvenience.”

  Shaking her head, Jules laughed. “You’re not slick changing the subject, but I’ll bite just long enough to tell you – you may as well go ahead and screw him. You know you want to.”

  “I do not,” I denied. “Well… maybe. But I know better,” I told my cousin, who just kept laughing.

  “Girl, you have been hate-fucking that man in your head for more than a year now. Get on the dick or let it go,” she chimed.

  “I’ll never let it go because he is a terrible person,” I challenged, looking away as he turned in our direction. “I hate his guts.”

  “But you love that face,” Jules teased, getting right in my ear. “And that beautiful chocolate skin. Can you imagine? I bet his dick is—hey Royal,” she said, speaking up as he approached us.

  I shook her off me and went back to what I was doing like he wasn’t standing there.

  “Juliet, what’s up?” Royal returned her greeting. “I just left Romeo in the shop a few minutes ago, had to get the fresh cut, you know?”

  “It looks good! Doesn’t it, Nik?”

  I’ma kill her.

  My cousin played entirely too much.

  She knew I wasn’t about to blatantly ignore her, so I turned around, sparing the briefest of glances in Royal’s direction before I shrugged.

  “It’s aiight,” I answered, then turned back around.

  Tuh.

  It was so much more than aiight.

  It was really unfair for somebody so annoying to look so good.

  “Good afternoon, A-nik-a,” Royal said, leaning to get into my peripheral. “I’m your afternoon relief.”